FH Cann, a debt collection company, sought to collect defendant and North Carolina resident Troy Moorman’s past due student loan debt. In response, Moorman mailed a packet of documents to FH Cann that included an affidavit claiming that he had a “common law copyright” and had trademarked his name and another purporting to establish a security interest in all of FH Cann’s assets, which FH Cann says included a forged signature on behalf of FH Cann. Moorman subsequently sent an invoice to FH Cann seeking $500,000 for Cann’s use of Moorman’s name. He then filed a UCC-1 statement with the Secretary of the Commonwealth, purporting to place a $500,000 lien on the home of co-plaintiffs Sherri and Frank Cann, owners of FH Cann. Cann seeks declaratory judgment that Moorman has no copyright or trademark rights in his name, that the purported contract, lien and UCC statement are not valid, injunctive relief preventing continuations of Moorman’s behavior, a decree granting the Cann’s quiet title in the house on which Moorman purports to have a lien, and actual and punitive damages resulting from the lien under a conversion or trespass to chattel theory. Judge Woodlock has the pleasure of unwinding this case.